MLK had a dream. JFK had a dream. Obama had a dream, and Susan Finkelstein does too. Although, her dream is of a different kind.
Susan wants to be a groupie for the ball players of the world series, but first she has to get there. The problem: she can’t score tickets. The solution: Craig’s List, the perv, pimp and prostitute e-paradise. Here, she promises she’ll do anything for tickets even let you score if you fork over some dollars.
There are some things money can’t buy, for everything else there’s ho shit.
Boom. Bitch. Pow! This is how you air out hoe shit. You might remember a few months ago news leaked that Mz. Alicia Keys was rubbing crotches at night with uber producer Swizz Beatz. After many rumors and much speculation, pics from romantic dinners overseas and so on hit the web and provided confirmation. Then the two were seen shamelessly tweeting sweet nothings to each other. Well, Alicia must have been caught up in the rapture like Anita Baker yesterday and took to the twitter streets to express her love, much to indignation of his soon to be the ex-wife Mashonda. She decided to write up a very lengthy letter (using twitlonger) to Alicia which is below:
After having a great evening with my son and enjoying some fun twit chat, I decided to sign off and get some work done. However, a few hours later I was advised that I should check @aliciakeys twit page. I’ve never reached out to her on twitter before. I feel our issues are a lot more serious than a website conversation. Not to mention that I’ve reached out to her many times in the beginning of this whole thing, as any wife would do. Unfortunately, I never succeeded in getting a response. The 1st time I meet AK, my husband introduced us to each other at an event. ( I have no choice but to call him my husband, until he is not anymore) In the messages that I sent to her (AK), I made it very clear that on the contrary of what she might be hearing, I am still married to my husband, living with him and just had a child. Its been two years and I still have not received a response. What I do receive, is constant displays of selfishness and disconcern to me and my son.
Boy, Obama has his work cut out for him if he’s going to convince the youth of America that the way to “success” is not through a sex tape with mediocre rappers, leaking pics of your labia on the innanets or swapping spit with life-sized trolls like Flavor Flav on reality tv. Ashley Dupre, the high-priced call girl in the Eliot Spitzer scandal was seen working more than her vajayjay on the runway at the Bahar Shahpar Fashion Show at NYC Fashion Week yesterday.
Speaking to the New York Post on Monday she said, “I didn’t ask for it, but now that I have it, it’s up to me to take advantage of this platform and do something amazing. I have a voice now.”
Who said selling ass don’t pay? Lawd, I just can’t.
So you thought Laquisha and them making those uncouth poses in the back of the club for their MySpace profile pics, were the only women who left you asking your maker to take you to the land of milk and honey? Think again.
Watch as Amy and Becky plead with Soulja Boy to be allowed on his bus, pledging that they’ll do disgusting things to gain access.
The loudest member of the Ghetto Fabulous Cougar Crew is opening up in her new book Never Make the Same Mistake Twice about her whorington past when she went by a far more….exotic name. Here’s a little excerpt:
“[I stripped] for the sake of my son, and to restore my confidence in myself,” she explains. “My son was in private school, his father wasn’t chipping in for pull-ups or food, I had no job and no money coming in, the rent was past due, and the super told me and my roommate that our condo owner was about to put us out. It was about survival.”
Another day, another C-List celeb, another “What would do if your son was at home, crying all alone on the bedroom floor?” story. The is the day that the Lord hath made, and this is the shit that Karrine hath engendered. How dreadful. However, I will be getting myself a copy, whorington shit is always a page-turner.
After we all saw Vanessa Hudgens’ training bra goodies (again!), comedian Dane Cook decided it was a time for an intervention…..while he presented an award at the Teen Choice Awards. The holy messiah Tyra would be so proud.
The Teen Choice Awards premiered tonight on Nickelodeon, but Cook’s Dr. Phil moment was edited out. Shame on you Nick, Dane was only trying to educate the future Hollywood whoringtons before their B-cups come in. We should all do our part to prevent hoe shit before it happens….you know like forest fires?!
Boy, days like today I’m so happy I can smell a whore for propaganda as Fresh Alina calls it, just as quickly as I can smell the bread truck coming up the block. As you know, Little Miss Happy Jaw has been all over the media promoting her new book teaching basic bitches everywhere how to keep their man (yes laugh). When confronted with questions about her interesting past, she gets defensive resting on the fact that she’s married, a mother and thus worthy of spouting knowledge. Well, her ex fiance Darius McCrary, who you might know as Eddie Winslow is outing her. He claims they are not married, were never engaged (we already knew that) and she is quite abusive to her young son (poor kid, Mom’s hip hop’s mattress and Joe Jackson at the same time).
How unfortanate for Eddie, he too was hynptized by her Hoover(esque) suctioning capabalitites…..step into the light Eddie. Welcome.
Once hailed as one of the worst songs of all time, Danity Kane ex-member and liberated Bad Boy sweat shop worker Aubrey O’Day thought she’d work her magic on the 1985 club hit by Eddie Murphy. Now, before y’all go throwing your head inside the oven to protect your ears from the sound, let me tell you that I dig it. The updated track was produced by Grammy award-winning producer Maestro and written by both Aubrey and fellow former DK member D.Woods’ sister, Shanell Woodgette aka S.N.L.
I’m just sayin’, who else could cover a song about 24 hour basic bitchness than our favorite silicone DD-cupped, try-sexual (try anything), collagen infused whorington? At least she’s sticking to subject matter she knows. *side-eye at Karrine*
Someone is not having the best week ever. Even though the CW 31 Morning Show gave Happy Jaw the Bad Boy treatment the other morning, she decided that she would not be deterred from her dream of whorington greatness. She would stick to promoting her Ho Your Way to the Bank Guide for Dummies promotional tour and continue to do interviews with the White folks who, for the most part, have no idea who she is except for the fact that she slept with gangsta rappers and used her suction voodoo on Bill Maher. This poses a problem as Karrine only wants to be known for making the NY Times Bestsellers list and won’t allow for any mention of how she rose to the top…gave top, sat on top…you know!
Here again, she called into a morning show and when the host tried to prep viewers on her past, she got defensive and tried to belittle his intelligence. This left him with no choice but to call her out, “I didn’t bang anybody to get here today!” which resulted in her ending the interview to the amazement of the show’s hosts and analyzing her crazy. Listeners then called to weigh in on the situation. One girl finished her 15 second rant with an exasperated “Ugh!”
Where’s George Michael? This chick needs Jesus and a father figure to tell her she’s special.
